Okay, Sir! We’ve arrived at Erso Farm. Excellent work, Pilot! Now circle around a couple of times, and then land EXTREMELY FAR away. Far away, Sir? Yes! Land like 400 yards away… and we’ll all walk together in a straight line. It will look AMAZING! Wouldn’t that give them time to run away or something? Or hide? NOO! It will be INTIMIDATING! And everyone is gonna love it! *scrambled audio* What did you say? *scrambled audio* Nobody can understand you guys! For REAL! You don’t have to scramble your words ALL the time! I said I don’t really want to walk 400 yards. Yeah me either! Okay FINE! We’ll land RIGHT at their DOORSTEP! GEEZ! Why don’t you take the epicness out of EVERYTHING?! Galen! You will NEVER win! You’ll need the structural plans for the Death Star. And I know there is a data archive on Scarif. Pbtbtbt! But that would be a total suicide mission And I’d never send my daughter into harms way. So instead I just copied the plans to a disk… And hid them with the pilot, Bodhi… along with this message. The plans are with Bodhi? Oh yes! The Pilot! He was carrying these plans. Your father was a wise man. Jyn! We have to go! SAVE THE REBELLION! SAVE THE DREAM! OH! An- And save your message! Jyn! You left it behind! Oh my GOSH! You must be more careful my dear! Thank you SO MUCH! No problem! Now have a good trip escaping the impending TIDAL WAVE OF DEATH! Are… you not coming with us? No, Jyn. I will run no longer. That makes no sense I feel like you just got here but WHATEVER! Peace Out! *laughing* I MAKE NO SENSE! Bye! FAAATHEERR! WHAT THE- WHO GOES THERE?! cr*p! Oh we’re surrounded! AAH! Oh, alright! WOOAAA PA! It’s ME! Stardust?!? Lets get out of here! LOOK OUT! AAAGGHH!!! So… I’m still in command? Do you “feel” in charge? But I buil- I built you a Death Star. And “this” gives you power “over me”? *choking* I can’t breathe! Be careful not to –“choke”– on your aspirations, Director. *gasp* DAD jokes? Really? Dad jokes?! What do you mean? Why would you say that? Do you think I’m a FATHER?! No Lord Vader! It- It’s just… what you said was… It’s what they call a- a “dad” joke. Mmmhmmmm. Like a bad pun. Oh. So… Not a father. How… unfortunate Because if I WAS a father… I’d be VERY excited about it. (starting to have flashbacks) I am one with the force and the force is with me. I am one with the force and the force is with me. Chirrut! NO! I am one with the force and the force is with me. AND NOW! I have a lightsaber! What the! Where did that come from? Jyn let me borrow her kyber crystal! So I made my staff a lightsaber! When!? Don’t worry about it! I’m a jedi now and that’s all there is to it! FORCE! Yes! Ahhh! Hehe! Did you see that? I totally threw a grenade in there- HOLY CRAP! So we only have like a few moments left to live… You wanna make out or something? YES! *honk honk* Congratulations! You are being rescued! K!
K-2SO! Are you serious?! You were about to MAKE OUT with her! Do you know where she’s been? HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!? I told you our chances for survival were under 30 percent… Which is why I preemptively copied my memory banks into that other droid we hacked earlier… DUH! Wow that’s really smart, K! And we’re all still alive too! And I’m a JEDI! Really?! How in the world!? No time to explain we’ve gotta go! Hurry Up! Oh right! I’m a leaf on the wind! I’M A LEAF ON THE WIND!!! *alarm sounds* WHAT UP, noobs? OPEN FIRE! Pardon me. Excuse me Oop, pardon. Excuse me, alright. Coming through LIFT! Firing lasers. Firing lasers. It’s clearly working QUITE well! Yes, yes, yes. Whoops! Excuse me. Coming through. Make a hole AAND… Take it! YOINK! AAAAAGH! Hehehe… All too easy. There’s something different about you, Tarkin. Did you lose weight? No? A new haircut perhaps? No. That’s not it. Oh! You know what? It’s the digital face! I see it now. You may admire when ready.