How Ant-Man Should Have Ended


Hey! Hi, Scott. Holy crap! You’re, Hank Pym! That’s right, Scott. And I know you’re a talented engineer with amazing skills. That’s why I want you to come work for me. Okay… At first I had this elaborate plan involving your thief buddy over there. Hey! He’d get you to steal something from me and try it out. Hmm, probably would’ve worked. You’d get arrested, then I’d break you out of jail. Dad! Enough already! Right! Anyway, it was way too complicated… So I thought I’d just pull up here now and offer you a ton of money to come work for me on a very special project. What do you say? Wow! um… That actually sounds pretty good! Hey man! What about me?! Don’t you wanna like eat waffles in my crappy apartment… and eventually give in to perusing a life of crime? Plus my daughter’s pretty hot and she’ll be training you. Ugh! Luis? Uh…. I got this sweet horn! *honks horn* I’m in Mr. Pym! I respect your decision! Follow your dreams! How Ant-Man Should Have Ended We will use a shrinking suit to create invisible, undetectable soldiers, just like this one. See! I figured out your secret, Pym! What do you mean invisible undetectable soldiers? You can totally see me in that old footage. Hey! He’s right! Yeah! That’s not invisible! We can totally see the suit right there in the case! This is a bust! What else do you have? Uh… well… I made this gun that shrinks people into a gooey puddle. *zap* That is amazing! Why didn’t you open with that!? Just think of all the undetectable killings we could get away with! We’ll take one million of those little goop guns! We’ll take TWO million! Great! I’m gonna take care of our buyers Hope, will you please see Hank out? Thanks! Buh Bye! He actually left us alone with the suit. Then lets get started! My suit! My servers! My data! I’m Ruined!!!! baaaaaaaa So we took the place out, shrunk back the tank, and nobody understood what the heck happened. Wow! That sounds a little too easy. Yeah they didn’t even really need me when you think about it. Well we were gonna have this elaborate mission impossible caper with ants… but these two insisted it wasn’t necessary. You had an actual tank in your pocket, Dad. But it’s mission impossible, with ants! Have you seen Mission Impossible? It’s got Tom Cruise and everything! It’s a very exciting picture! We didn’t need to do Mission Impossible with Ants. Tom Cruise does his own stunts you know. Dad. This last time he hung off the side of a plane! Nobody cares, Hank. We could’ve done that! Dad! But with ants! How do you carry that tank around anyway? If the mass stays the same, shouldn’t that tank weigh like 60 tons? Oh science… molecules…. Convenience. You understand what I’m saying. What I don’t get is how fast you put on your shrinking suits. I mean, I could do it sure. but I have super speed. No one without super powers could get into that suit that fast. I can! I can! How? Because I’m Ant-Man. Because I’m Bat… What the!? You can’t just… This is… That’s my…. akward… I say that! You say I’m Ant-Man? That’s weird. No! I say… Batman! Because I’m Batman! I’m Batman! And I’m Ant-Man! Stop saying that! But I am Ant-Man! And I am Batman! Oh my gosh! Don’t make me shrink down, run across this table, and punch you in the face! Bring it! What?! What the! *gasp* How?! Because I’m Batman! Eh here we go! Another guy in a space suit! You Are A Tooooooy! No! I’m Ant-Man. *gasp* Hey! Wanna know my secret identity?

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42 thoughts on “How Ant-Man Should Have Ended

  1. My favorite HISHE ever. Best quote, "Tom Cruise does his own stunts you know. He hung off the side of a plane. We could of done that, but with ants.

  2. Me:Batman is the best Marvel Character ever!

    YouTube: but he’s from DC comics.

    Me: I don’t care!

    YouTube: Why?

    Me: ‘cause he’s BATMAN!

  3. "Hey it looks like this place was trashed by a tank!"
    "Oh no, are Hank Pym and his daughter okay? They were in here last!"
    "No idea, but considering that guy invented shrinking technology it's pretty plausible that he did this, actually."

  4. watching antman and I had to stop it just to watch this episode, fav quote "you got a gun that makes people in a gooie puddle, I'll take 1 mil, I'll take 2 mil." hahahah yeah that's your big seller Cross.

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